How to manage the morning mania
You've just had a stressful day, you've got an idea on what the kids can have for lunch tomorrow and you know the clothes are washed sitting in a pile somewhere, so you give yourself a mental pat on the back and think you'll treat yourself by watching just another couple of episodes of 'Schitt's Creek' just to wind down properly.
“Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!”
Oh, fudge.
That’s the alarm, you’ve overslept, and your breezy morning has already derailed itself.
You know the wise saying, "You Snooze, You Lose", It’s time to get the motor running.
Forget about beating yourself up for getting hooked on a show instead of going to bed when you should have, or not fuelling up the night before when time was on your side, and forget about your kids refusing to eat breakfast or the fact they could only find one shoe. WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE! You aren't alone and even the most meticulous of us get caught out on occasion. We're human and we are bound to make cock ups from time to time but what we need to remember is that to be prepared is half the victory!
For a successful start to any family’s day, a solid, functioning morning routine is what’s needed.
Here’s how to manage your morning mania:
Learn from the Admiral- routines are your best friend.
From popular culture, we know that military training is about discipline. Being disciplined means performing assigned tasks at regular intervals. This practice may seem automatic and lifeless, but its value lies in bringing more order into the chaos.
When it comes to de-stressing and streamlining your daily life, morning rituals are your number one ally.
In William H.McRaven's book 'Make Your Bed' he explains that motivation doesn’t just appear anywhere, but it would help if you prepared the ground for it. Making a bed is a perfect start. This simple principle applies to other things too, quick and simple tasks save up your future time. The second thing is to make peace with the imperfection of life.... different problems may occur along the way. It is a fact. What matters is the way we react to these problems, and I'm all for preparing for them.
Why do routines work so well?
It's a fact, kids love to push boundaries, but they thrive and feel secure with predictability. And we as parents do too. When kids know what’s expected of them, it’s easier to comply. They also feel comfortable in the confines of a reliable structure.
But nagging, yelling, complication, and stress? No one thrives on that shit.
Second, routines are kinder on our bodies. If you are up at the same time every day, with sufficient sleep, you will eventually find that waking up is easier, you will usually wake naturally before your alarm goes off.
As tempting as it is to have late night Netflix binge fest, really you should be waking up at the same time on weekends and school holidays. Even though younger kids tend to bounce out of bed while teens tend to sleep in, children of any age can train their bodies to follow a healthy circadian rhythm.
It may take a little time and commitment to nail down a great routine, but rehearsal is the perfect place to start so make time for training and set everyone up for success so mornings run smoothly.
Here are 3 quick strategies to ensure your routines run like clockwork…
1. Set your intentions before bed & make time for training
Practice makes mornings perfect–or, at least, near perfect.
No routines are ever seamless. Nor are they learned immediately. The way you structure things need to be tested and kinks worked out. Routines are an evolving work in progress.
First things first, you need to sit your family down and train your kids for what’s expected of them.
If you want your kids to suddenly wake up and make their beds, get themselves dressed, brush their hair and teeth, eat breakie, pack their school bag and be ready to go…they are going to need a little assistance.
We often expect so much of our kids and forget that they are still learning to understand how to do the most basic of tasks. Even older kids suddenly given more responsibility might struggle.
Set them up for success by teaching them the order of things, kids thrive with a dose of positive power so by making them a little more independent you are less likely to get negative power struggles throughout the day.
How long do they be brush their teeth? How do they make their beds correctly? Where can they find clean uniform items? Where are the hair brushes and ties kept? and where are do they leave and how do they unpack their bag?
These are questions kids need answered before you can expect them to execute tasks you what them to complete without nagging you.
So before you create a chart of tasks for your kids to complete for their morning routine, make sure you Take Time for Training.
Just like adults, when kids feel capable and empowered, they are more likely going to confidently and successfully execute the tasks on the check list. Have a chart (Pro Tip: For the little ones, be sure your routine chart includes pictures!) or use the one above and laminate for your kids as a trigger to remind them what to do next in the routine so they can get through it quickly without much prompting.
When you’re tackling a new routine, make sure to test it out first when you aren't short for time and no-one gets stressed out. Always allow a grace period (and gracious attitude) for kids to make mistakes, to learn, and try again.
Know the average travel time for school or work & what time you need to be out the door, get an idea of how long it takes them to complete each task, and if there's anything that can be done the night before.
2. Plan for Punctuality
Maybe you are a person who postpones getting up until you have to.
Or, maybe, if you aren’t 10 minutes early, you feel late.
While you may think the ability to be punctual comes down to a star-sign or character trait,–the truth is, it directly relates to a person’s morning routine.... and anyone can learn to be punctual and organised.
Daily life is always going to have it's expected moments, whether there's a car accident on your way to school, your son put tooth paste all down his school shirt, or your daughter dropped her breakfast all over the clean floor.
Shit happens! It's a fact of life so even the most genius routine is going to be encumbered by these obstacles, and that’s totally fine. But keeping calm, and on task, despite these little hiccups is easier when we prepare for some leeway.
Teach your kids to take out their lunch boxes as soon as they get home from school and to put any clothes that need to be washed in the laundry. Even young kids can learn to do these simple tasks and the earlier you start the easier it will be later.
Pack their lunches the night before and have them ready in the fridge, wash any clothes needed the next day as soon as you get home with an alarm reminding you to put in the dryer. After one bitch of a morning when my daughter couldn't find her other school shoe, and I ended up wanting to tear my hair out teaching for it, I learnt my lesson and now I get my kids to lay out their complete uniform the night before by the bed so it's ready to go.
Help them get in the habit of putting completed homework in their school bag the day before it's due. The next time you do a grocery run, ask them to accompany you so they can plan what they’ll want in their lunches that week (another hit of positive power).
If you’re in the habit of getting up at the last minute and cutting it fine, the kids are constantly late to school, don’t underestimate how long it takes to get the family through the morning routine. Exaggerate the time and then add 10-15 minutes. Invest in a Time Timer so your kids can see how much time is left before you have to go out the door, even have it end 10 min before you leave so there isn't any last min forgetful tasks your kids 'just remembered' or a last minute "I need to pee" request.
Leaving earlier of course, it’s easier said than done, when waking up early can be the hardest part.
3. The beauty of When/Then
When- Then essentially structures your morning so that all the mundane tasks of the morning are completed before things like breakfast, or TV cartoons ect.
'WHEN you're dressed, your bed is made and your lunch box is in your bag and the school bag is by the front door THEN you can join us for breakfast/can have a bit of TV time before school'.
So if they dawdle the consequence is they might miss out on a full breakfast or TV time.
Yes they might be a bit uncomfortable the first morning, but they won't starve, morning tea isn't far behind and if you follow through they won't want to do it again, they are going to want to get through the routine quickly to get it all done. My daughter isn't a breakfast person anyway, so I don't use missing out on breakfast for her because I want her eat something so I say "WHEN you've brushed your teeth, made your bed, got dressed, bag is packed and you've had some breakfast THEN you can have some TV time before school" because she loves to watch her shows.
I back this up with a chart in their bathroom and kitchen and we prepare the best we can the night before.
4. Sleep for Success
The next, mandatory step to morning success is a solid bedtime routine.
When hectic mornings still rear their ugly head after strong routines are implemented, the culprit could be the lack of sleep from the night before.
Set your family up for success by going to bed on time so that everyone gets enough sleep, adults and kids alike need a lot of sleep. And most of us don’t get enough.
Start by setting a reasonable bedtime that is the same every night, including on the weekends. Thanks to the circadian rhythm, a reliable schedule actually helps the body know when to fall asleep.
Electricity and technology, while amazing, keep us awake at night. Try dimming lights and keeping our kids and ourselves away from screens two hours before bed every night. It can be sooooo tempting to want to watch all your shows on the *watch list but if you can get into a habit of doing some bedtime yoga and reading before bed instead of TV or scrolling on your phone, your family will be the better for it.
Cosmic Kids Yoga is great, and I love Calm or DreamyKid as bedtime stories (for my I love the rain soundscapes ) as a way to drift off to bed. Put a glass of water by the beds, it will give one less reason for kids to shout out from their bedroom just to get your attention, but it's also a great habit you should teach your kids to start the day with a glass of water to wake their stomach up and stay hydrated.
Next, we can add a consistent bedtime. Just like getting up at the same time every morning, going to bed at the same time every night trains our bodies to fall asleep faster and more easily.
We also need to make sure bedtime is early enough to allow plenty of sleep per night. This time may be different for each child, but until kids can wake up feeling mostly refreshed, keep testing earlier bedtimes and try 15-30min earlier if they are still struggling to get out of bed.
No one is destined for a good morning when they’re grumpy and sleep-deprived.
5.Structure Your Morning–Like a Boss
Successful daily routines for our kids largely rely on our positive attitudes. If we feel calm and in control, our kids will pick up on that and reflect it. On the flip side if we are a stressful mess that is highly likely to show up in their actions, like resistance, dawdling, and backtalk.
Trust me I know, it’s hard to feel in control when life is so manic, and your to-do list is so long it makes you want to crawl back under the covers.
Do yourself the solid and wake up BEFORE your kids!
Start by getting up at least a half-hour before everyone else.
If lack of sleep is an issue, set yourself an earlier bedtime, just like the kids. Whether it's you are your kids who want to keep hitting the snooze button, try moving the alarm further away from the bed. Give kids their own alarm so getting up becomes their problem, and by making it so that you physically have to get out of bed to turn it off you're less likely to try to jump back into bed.
The first step in your family’s morning routine is to get yourself ready to go. Lay out your clothes, just like the kids the night before and make sure you are up, done your morning affirmations, got dressed and had your coffee fix before your kids put their feet on the floor. While it’s tempting to sleep in, remember the mirror effect: your children will pick their cues from you. If you are chill and organised, they will be too. Anxious and rushed is no way to start the school day for you or your kids.
Waking up before your kids allows you the chance to compose yourself and have a bit of peaceful silence, use the bathroom in peace, do some meditation, exercise, check your emails, and even finish your cup of coffee before the kids wake up and bombard you with questions. It gives you the much-needed “me” time before you have to be “on” for everyone else.
When it's time for your kids to wake up and they enjoy a cuddle for 5mins in the morning, make time for that, go in 5 minutes before their alarm goes off for a cuddle to reconnect and set your positive intention for the day "Today will be a great day!"
Remember each morning provides a new opportunity to establish a positive trajectory or them and us. Just remember routines take time to master, and don’t forget to make things easier on yourself. Start with an uncomplicated breakfast that doesn’t sacrifice healthy options, I keep some low sugar 'Up & Go' in the fridge, so they can still have something if one of them are running behind. You can have already premade pancakes, serve pre-cut fruit with yogurt, or even train the kids to make their own eggs. My daughter is 10 and she cooks her own folded eggs (because she does it better than me apparently). You can have a grab and go station in your fridge of berries, baby cucumbers, carrots, cheese, yogurt, or Up & Go so independently they can help themselves and grab what they want before or after school.
Most of the time if you implement this tips into your morning, they will usually go smoothly.
Yes, routines should be as consistent as possible, but there are times when we have to be flexible.
Because like I said.. shit happens.
As a general rule, you don’t want to stray from your routine wake-up time. But if a late-night birthday dinner messes with the schedule?
Let things go if there's changes to the routine, sometimes they leave lingering effects for a few days. Just remember that it’s normal to have some setbacks, just take it one day at a time and slowly slide back to a regular routine.
Here's to a good morning
xB
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