#Coffeelover- "Losing The Pocket Size Bully"
Proud ambassador of Bully Zero
From a young age, most of us were taught "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all". But why is it that this moral is so often omitted or forgotten in the world of cyberspace? Gone are the days when it was just school recess you were concerned about, cyberspace has opened the door to 24hour harassment. It's undeniable that bullying is now an epidemic but cyber bullying is especially dangerous because people can bully anonymously with little or no regard for the consequences and the only limit is the imagination of the troll inflicting the abuse. No one is safe, everyone is a potential target from adults to adolescents, actors to athletes.
I myself have been the victim of bullying from a young age. Berated for my skinny frame, I was dubbed the nickname "Chicken Legs" all through my high school years. Constantly subjected to hair pulling and being pushed in bushes, the real havoc began while going through puberty when I had the added offence of being called "Hooters" and other relentless name calling.
At one point I actually taped my chest flat not to draw attention and it eventually took its toll so I had to make the conscious decision to stand up for myself. Once I was empowered to put a stop to it I also made the decision to be an active bystander to others affected by bullying. The definition of active bystander is someone who steps in and says something, supports the victim and if needed reports it.
Now as a grown up and with children of my own, one of whom has special needs, I am very sensitive to how bullying has evolved from the school yard to a ruthless virtual persecution which follows its victims wherever they go. One thing I know a lot about is cyber bullying in the fashion and pageant industry, models and contestants are criticised online for being too thin, too fat, too stupid, too sexy.
We've had society "skinny shaming" models like our fellow aussie Victoria's Secret angel Bridget Malcolm who was scrutinised on Instagram for her appearance causing her to address her haters. She said:
"I am extremely fit and healthy and am not in the slightest way anorexic. I have worked hard to look like this and am proud of my body. I may not be the curviest but I am a woman who has every right to look the way I do. Maybe today take a look inside yourself and wonder why you feel the need to shame strangers over the Internet about their bodies. Peace and love to you all — let's change the conversation."
While the truth is these women work really hard to get in shape, it's their job to look good and even with new athletic models who don't fit the "traditional mould" such as supermodel Gigi Hadid who has curves, they still aren't satisfied. Hadid regularly posts pictures of herself on Instagram for her 14 million followers. Among those millions, she has plenty of fans, but also plenty of critics, who often post negative comments about her appearance and size.
"If you're a model, you have to fit the size," one commenter wrote. "With these measures, everyone can be a model."
After walking at Fashion Week she was forced to confront her fans, saying:
"So many people are quick to comment negative opinions this month," "I'm not going to lie, I did let this negativity get to me a little. Your mean comments don't make me want to change my body, they don't make me want to say no to the designers that want me in their show," Hadid explains in her post. "If you don't like it, don't' follow me, don't watch me, cause I'm not going anywhere."
As one of my favourite constantly reposted Instagram quotes reads ……" You can't make everyone happy, you're not a Nutella Jar!"
You're never going to be everyone's cup of tea, and that's totally fine learn to be comfortable with the rich perfect blend of coffee that you are a aka #coffeelover. Please don't feel that you are alone, you're not. So many talented and successful people have been the victim of bullying, Miley Cyrus, Michael Phelps, Madonna, Angelina Jolie just to name a few.
Sometimes you will teased and bullied for things that make you different, but usually those things will be what set you apart, what makes you unique. One day these things that you once thought were your weakness will become your strength. No one is invincible! Fame or popularity doesn't make you impervious to pain, maybe it's societies unhealthy need to take those they deem threatening down a notch and the screen allows the commenter to disassociate from the person they’re degrading.
They forget just that…..they are a person! It is too easily forgotten that their words have power. Take for instance the incredibly sad passing of the bold and outgoing Charlotte Dawson. The former model was hospitalised after an attempted suicide in 2012 when she received a torrent of online abuse on Twitter, including from one troll who urged Dawson to hang herself, and she tragically took her own life in 2014.
After I won Mrs Australia Globe and I slowly built up my online presence I experienced some comments you could very easily take to heart. While I was just simply hoping to inspire others to help out in the community, look after themselves or simply show followers what I was getting up to, you have a few clueless souls that must forget you can actually see their comments on your feed.
Take comfort in knowing that it's the trolls out there that are incredibly unhappy with themselves that feel the need to attack people online. They may hide behind their screen of armour and try to pick at you little by little but it is you that has power….. Literally… Its called an off button.
Don't buy into their pathological need for attention and read every negative thing they write about you. If you see someone repeatedly harass, threaten, humiliate, or victimise yourself or someone online remind them that they don't need to follow you or the victim, report it and block them.
Remember if you don't continue to engage with the bully they will most likely get bored and give up, their purpose is to bait you…Don't take it. It's always in your power to report it to your parents, teachers, the police and management. It is a serious crime and will be taken seriously. For the bystanders out there in the real world and cyberspace, don't ever "go along to get along" don't accept that bullying is the social norm and think its all just in good fun.
It's a person the bully is targeting, step in and do something. One day the victim could be your best friend, your sister, your brother…… your daughter or your son. If this epidemic continues, chances are they will be. Ask yourself the question would you rather stand alone and be right or fellow the group and be wrong?
If you are a victim of bullying please call Bully Zero Australia Foundations 24hr help line on 1800 0 BULLY
and look at their website for helpful tips, information and purchase merchandise at www.bzaf.org.au
The 18th March is Bully Zero's National Day Of Action and #trollfreeday you can show your support online by writing on your social media accounts “Today is TROLL FREE DAY, I’m taking a stand & won’t be commenting online for 24hrs. Think before you type, words can hurt.” #trollfreeday
Now the next time you see a conversation online sway into Trollsville remember the great words of Bridget Malcolm ''Peace and love to you all — let's change the conversation."
xB
